A.S.S Quote:

Urban Legends: Who Then Now?

6/15/03

Warning: This article is not as good as my last one.

   Your daily dose of TwiLighT facts.......

     -Darkness Inc. makes more money than Pyro Inc.

      -TwiLighT still has the most posts on the Alliance Forums.

Welcome one and all. Today's article is about something that everyone has grown up hearing, Urban Legends. Urban Legends are stories that were never proven to be true, but were never disproved either. The following is my attempts to disproved legends regarding the Olive Mafia, Ship Sailing Mummies, and Mexican terrorists.

The first one is about a well known restaurant that's been poisoning it's customers.

"When ya here, ya ova here!!"

A friend of mine went to the Olive Garden and then felt really woozy afterwards. She got on a subway and fell asleep. By the time she woke up, she came face to face, with the scariest thing ever imagined.........

The future of airline travel

Can you believe that's the first thing she saw when she woke up? A person doesn't just recover from something like that! Anyway, somehow she was able to escape with her life, but the real question here is, why is the olive garden doing this? I tried to reach olive garden management in an attempt to figure this out.

"Funny? Funny like how? funny like I'm a clown here to amuse you?"

But it didn't go so well. They told me I was gonna get "whacked" because asking questions will get you "pinched". They then said if I didn't close my "yab" they were gonna "squirt metal" and told me to leave the area "please". I didn't really understand what they meant, but then I saw them kiss some guy on the lips and knew I had to get out of there, before they tried to pull a Matt Hardy on me. Looks like the mystery of the Olive garden goes unsolved. Here's another one that has puzzled people, one of the many mystery of the Sinking of the Titanic.

I bet his diaper's wet

No, not the one about the baby surviving in a life preserver. Of course we all know that's true. I'm talking about the one that says the sinking of the titanic was caused by a mummy.

By the way he walks, you'd think it was the Big Show wrapped in toilet paper.

The legend says a live mummy was on board and bit the captain, or something, he spun around in the chair to see just what the hell bit him and saw the living dead.

MAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR

The captain then lost control of the ship and steered it into an iceberg or something. Imagine that, all these years nobody knew that the true story of the titanic was a fight against a warrior from the afterlife.

If only Brendan Frasier was on board.

Then there's the urban legend of Taco Bell harboring terrorists.

"Bring down America, mang!"

Once again, I had to put my life on the line to see if this rumor was true, or just a load of.......

An example of the stupid things my friends send me in IM's

I decided I had to sneak into Taco Bell and see if I could find any terrorists, my plan is as follows.

1)Break into Taco Bell
2)See if they really are hiding terrorists in the closets
3)Mack all the hott mexican chicks

Anywho, this one is nothing to get excited about, because I found nothing. These were the only people hanging out there....

That yellow guy looks kinda suspicious, but other then him, there's nothing to worry about.

Well, this article is getting too long so it's time to wrap it up. I know what your thinking, the Olive garden drugging people, a mummy sinking the titanic. This is all pretty hard to believe, or, as everyone's favorite fag would say........

Well, that's the best part of urban legends, you never truly know the truth, so I'll let you figure out the truth for yourself. Until my next editorial, remember to stay away from italian restaurants, don't get on ships with dead dudes wrapped in band aids, and avoided mexican restaurants, for they have yellow guys with towels on their heads, and you just can't trust those types of people.

Next week, on TwiLighT's urban myth show, did Matt Hardy dump Shannon Moore for a new boyfriend?

"I'm about to bend Edge over and enject him with some Mattitude"

I'll be setting up a hidden camera in Matt and Edge's dressing room to see what goes on over there.......

"Maybe if you had more Mattitude, and a couple more Mattributes, you too would be able to pose naked in front of hot, sweaty men"

Well that's enough Matt Hardy for today. As a heterosexual, I can only take so much.
Anywho, now that I've risked life and limb to get all the true stories on these myths, it's back to Darkness Inc. headquarters to work on my next article. I apologize in advance.

Lata Muthafukkaz,

This Article Has Been Brought To You by.....

Darkness Inc.

- Alex (Twilight)