A.S.S Quote:

Smackdown: Bringing Back the 80's

12/17/02

Back again ready to complain once more how Smackdown Sucks. Now I could talk about last week, and I will talk about last week. Now if you read the title of the article, it says Smackdown Bringing back the 80's. I'm sure your going to want to know how. Well lets take a look at one of the most highly anticipated superstars on the Smackdown Roster. He is the most charismatic, exciting, and over driven man in the business today. He is also very popular in the music industry with his number one hit songs, "Ice Ice Baby" and that's about it. Yes I am talking about John "Wicka-Wacka" Cena.

I mean, just look at him! Stare if you have too. Cause it wont do you or him any good. He's John Cena, the rapper, the wrestler, the family man. And not this family man. But John Cena has elevated his career to being a punk, gangsta, that grabs his crotch cause he thinks his balls are going to leap out of his pants. Where did he go wrong? Well lets think back to the old Cena, lets think back to the Halloween Smackdown, where he became Vanilla Ice. Well John, I see that you have got it made, with the bling bling, the pompadour, and his new partner B(Squared) who I might add is Jewish and shows it by wearing a yamaca he calls a "hat", John Cena is going to end up like the real Vanilla Ice, starring in a Ninja Turtle Movie, and then have his career decline to Max Hardcore Porn.

Now onto another Smackdown Superstar, part of the BECKER wrestling club, WARNING: HE is dangerous, he likes to steal finishers and call them Edge-(Insert name of Cereal) and there you have it, an Edge finisher. But for all you Smackdown fans who want to see Edge's video again and again, I condensed it for you so you can watch it...

What? It's edge's video, I see Edge, I see black and white flashes. What else do you see?? That's right, the same thing you see every Smackdown, Subliminal Messages. Did your eyes ever hurt after you watched Edge come out. Did you ever get the sudden urge to eat at McDonalds or use Brawny Paper Towels. Well your now alone. Edge has plagued us all, implanting these things in our minds. Not only is he a bad wrestler, but while watching his entrance, I noticed that his theme music says "In My Durango" But listen to it backwards and it says "EDGE is GOD". I heard it. But not only is his wrestling horrible, you can't forget, Edge is a Big Hairy Ape. Case in Point.

Now onto the Mexican industry of Smackdown. What is it, Steph's to cheap to hire real wrestlers. She gets all these minimum wage wrestlers to fight so she can save a few dollars. Well I recently found a picture with the whole Mexican Wrestling Family. Yep! Chavo, Eddie, Rey and Jamie Noble and of course the "Mamacita" in the Hick World Nidia. Just look...

Finally, onto the BAD Man, who puts guns into little kids mouths, who does the robot in the ring and what he is most know for, getting shot twice and surviving. But look at this man, he isn't Samoan he's a wild fat beast, who needs a bra might I add. And here is this weeks "adjustment" to a wrestler. Rikishi Wear and Victoria's Secret and Rikishi Clash and create the 2 Cool Thug Bra. Observe....

Well that about finishes my analysis of Smackdown. Y'all Come Back Now Ya Hear!, And HOW!!

-Josh (Impact)